My Ending Of Breaking Dawn
by Yellow911
Summary: This is the way Breaking Dawn should have ended. WARNING: I'm an anti-Bella. WARMING: This is a crack-fic. Rated T for sudden deaths. If you can handle people randomly dieing, sure, go ahead and read it.
1. Renesmee Dies, Cuz She Shouldn't Live

**Disclaimer: Hi. I think we all know what Imma says here... but sadly, I'll put it anyway. I'm secretly a turtle ninja waiting for combat! There! I said it! Whoo! It's like a big weight has been lifted off my lap! *someone murmmers something* Oh...? It's-it's shoulders? ... and I didn't write Twilight, I only wrote this. I do realize I probably could've cuz of my mad writing abilities, but Smeyer had the dream first so...**

_Bella's Pov (which is actually an acronym for Point Of View and not a fancy, shcmacy word for taco that's pronounced "Pa-ove")_

(starts on page 678 of Breaking Dawn) The clouds rolled in, diffusing the light so that it could have been morning or afternoon. Edward's eyes tightened as he scrutinized the view, and I was sure he was seeing the exact same scene for the second time-the first time being Alice's vision. It would look just the same when the Volturi arrived. We had only minutes or seconds left now.

All of our family braced themselves.

I strained to hear some sound of approach. Then, just then, I heard very faintly a buzzing coming from the distance. It came closer and I realized it was a helicopter. As it came into view, Renesmee went insane and leaped out of my arms and ran to where the helicopter was going to land. Some people gasped, some eyes got wider. I shouted in sync with Edward, "Renesmee, no!"

The helicopter landed and I blade chopped Renesmee's head clear off. Some people muttered "Well this was a huge waste of time." I couldn't believe it.

Dramatic music played and I could hear the Volturi guard begin to go "Hum... Hum... Hum... Hum" like those ancient people did when something terrible was about to take place. I could also hear Jane complaining "Do I really have to?"

Well this wasn't exactly what I expected.


	2. Sing a Song

_Caius's Pov _

We were in our helicopter. It was getting boring in here. It was stuffy, boring, and cramped.

"Aro," I said. "It's so boring. Could we do something?"

Athenodora jabbed me with her elbow.

"What?" I hissed.

"You can't ask-" Athenodora hissed back just as harshly, but was cut off by Aro's annoying voice.

"Ah! I have an idea!" Aro exclaimed. Great. One of his brilliant ideas that always seem to work out perfectly.

No one was listening, so he clenched his teeth and said, "I. Have. An. _Idea!_"

"Um, what's your idea?" Chelsea asked timidly. Kiss up.

"Let's sing songs!" Oh, great. What does he have in mind? Kumbaya and a series of trust falls **(A/n Do you watch Lost? Go Sawyer!)**?

So everyone sang except for Jane, Marcus, and me and I think Jane might have gotten frustrated because Alec made Aro unconscious for the rest of the flight.


	3. Chelsea is a master's pet

Jane's POV

"Ah!" Aro exclaimed. Caius just told him he was bored. I shot a glare at Caius. He didn't see me. Or he was just pretending. Or was too deep in thought. No matter. "I have an idea!" Oh. An idea. Well, this was worse than I thought.

I tried to engage in a conversation with Alec. He realized everyone was pretending not to listen, so he clenched his teeth together and shouted, "I have an idea!" Sure, everyone's listening now.

What's-her-name went up and said in her annoyingly soft voice, "Um, what's your idea?" She's such a master's pet. See what I did there?

Aro's face lit up and said, "Let's sing songs!" What?

Everyone began to sing stupidly and I just stared at them with a horrified expression. At least the other two masters weren't singing. But, of course they weren't singing. Marcus does nothing, and Caius is just so evil that you don't expect him to sing.

After about 30 seconds of it I couldn't take it. What else does he have in mind? Kumbaya and trust falls? **(A/N: evil minds think alike)**.

"Alec," I hissed.

"Hmmm?"

"Make Aro take a nap. A long _long _nap."

"He won't be so happy when he wakes up." Alec pointed out. Oh, so he's a master's pet, too?

"Who are you kidding? Aro's always happy." I stated flatly.

He shrugged. "I guess so." He did his awesome power thing that I envy.

Caius looked at me curiously. I turned away, but he already knew it was me. Does it really matter? He should be thankful.

We were going to land in a couple minutes, so Alec decided to "wake him back up". Aro emerged from his slumber.

"Hi, guys!" Aro said.

I smacked my head against my palm. Idiot.

"So, guys, I've been thinking that when we arrive, we should play music. Then, you guys can go 'Hum…Hum…Hum…Hum' along with the music to make us seem even more evil."

That's when I lunged at him.


	4. Pegged Legged Aro

_Aro's POV_

"Hi, guys!" I said. This was so convenient! Everyone was right here! Watching me. Some people smacked foreheads against palms. Some looked away. Some gave me weird looks. _I know_, I thought. _I'm awesome._

"So, guys," I began, while getting up. "I've been thinking that when we arrive we should play music and you guys should go 'Hum…Hum…Hum…Hum…' to make us seem more evil."

Then, Jane pounced on me without warning. "Help!" I shouted, but everyone just stared. Some people even had a wry smirk on their faces. Alec was laughing his head off. And I couldn't blame the boy. It was pretty funny! Especially when Jane snapped at my neck! Hilarious! Jane's a riot! Lol

"OMG!" I shouted. I'm so hip with the new lingo.

"LMAO!" I shouted when she bit my foot off. This is so funny it should be illegal.

Then, Alec dragged her off. "OK, Jane. I think Aro's had enough."

_Alec's POV_

My sister was on Master Aro and snapping at him. When, she bit his foot off, she went too far.

"OK, Jane." I said, dragging her off. "I think Aro's had enough."

"Yes," Aro said. "As funny as that was, I think we need to prepare for landing."

"That would be preferable." I amended.

When he tried to stand, however, he wobbled a bit because of the lack of feet. Maybe…

"Here," Chelsea said, handing him a peg. The kind pirates would wear.

"Yay!" he exclaimed, startling Caius. "I've always wanted one of these! Ever since I was a little boy!"

"They didn't have pirates in BC," Jane pointed out.

And besides, why would he want a pegged leg?

This was not what I expected.

**A/n: Hello. What do you think? Please review. I'm getting so many people favoriting this story, but no reviews yet. I'd love to hear from you guys!**


	5. Parrots

_Jane's POV_

Aro had to wear a pegged leg because I snapped his foot off. Now, as a punishment, he said I have to wear a parrot costume.

"Where did you even get this thing?" I said, poking at it.

"A couple centuries ago when Caius wanted to go trick-or-treating," Aro explained.

Caius had a horrified expression. "I didn't _want _to go, you made me! You said if I didn't, you'd kill me... And you said you wouldn't tell anyone."

"Now, now, brother," Aro said, chuckling. "So, Jane..."

The helicopter was landing, so Aro started the music. The guard began going "Hum...Hum...Hum...Hum..." just like Aro planned. "Jane," he repeated.

"Do I have to?" I meant to say it angrily, but it just came out like complaining. He nodded, so I went into the bathroom and changed. It was going to be a long night.


	6. World Domination, Pegged Legs and Tacos

_Alec's POV_

"Hum...Hum...Hum...Hum...Hum...Hum...Hum..." I continued on for what seems like forever waiting for Jane. She was changing into the ugly parrot costume Aro gave her. When she returned, I couldn't help but laugh. She looked ridiculous. She glared at me.

"Sorry, Jane," I muttered, still laughing. She stepped on my foot. Ow...?

* * *

_Bella's POV_

This wasn't exactly what I had expected. Aro came out first with a pegged leg and Jane on his shoulder dressed like a parrot. Wha?

* * *

_Caius's POV_

This was so messed up. Aro was trying to be a pirate, and now when we got off the helicopter, there was a dead child with her head cut off. What was the world coming to? Then, when everyone saw Jane, they died laughing. Quite literally actually. They just feel down. Laughing. Except the Cullens, but... who cares about them? Great... we've been reduced to a laughing stock.

* * *

_Bella's POV (again)_

Everyone died. It was weird. They saw Jane, laughed, then... plop.

* * *

_Aro's POV_

It was time for me to take over the world. I shall steal the Cullen's brains, use them for an evil devise (except for Emmett's and Rosalie's and Bella's, which is completely worthless... I'll probably turn those brains to dust) and convert the Cullen's and Hale's into minions. BWHA HA HA HA HA HA!... Ooops... Edward heard everything I just thought... and he didn't look so happy.

* * *

_Edward's POV_

Aro thought Bella's mind was worthless... and Jasper was smarter! I glared at him. But his thoughts were elsewhere.

_Look, _Aro thought. _I offered you a place with us two books ago, but you stubbornly refused because SMeyer made you such an ignorant character that way. I know you're jealous, so we could take over the world together if we join together. Join me, and we shall rule and... _He drowned on and on... What? What did he think I was mad about? I thought back to his earlier thoughts... Taking over the world, pegged legs, tacos, Jesus, the big bang... when I hit the big bang memory, I knew I went to far back. He was so old, I couldn't find the right one.


	7. Goodbye, Twilight

**Hello. You guys have been so good to me even though I was just getting started, but I'm quitting …. more than that, I'm giving up on Twilight. I used to like Twilight when it just started and no one knew it, but now it's crazy. I can't take it anymore… I may come back to Twilight once the madness dies down, but until then, I'm gonna give it a break. Thank you for your support.**

**I'm not the best author, I know. It's because whenever I get a new thought, I put it down and move on, leaving out many important details. Sometimes I can't even make a coherent sentence. This small draw-back makes it nearly impossible for me to write.**

**I'll keep my account up, but otherwise, this is a ghost account. I'm not saying Twilight's not good anymore, I just need to take a break. I love you guys. Take care.**

**-Yellow911**


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